Deciding To Have Kids & Outgrowing Relationships (with Jessica Hendry Nelson)

TW: substance abuse, anticipatory grief

We’ve all been sold the idea that you’re meant to experiment in your 20s, something that our guest this week missed out on. Author and professor Jessica Hendry Nelson joins us to talk about being in a relationship for the whole of her 20s and eventually ending that relationship because of differing interests.

Jessica starts the episode telling us about her unconventional experience of her 20s, living with her ex-husband and the fact that they didn’t talk about having kids until it was too late. Having had a baby with her new partner just 10 weeks ago, Jessica tells us about deciding to become a parent: whether that’s something you’re ever truly ready for and how she found a partner that was right for her to raise kids with. 

We discuss the expectations that come with motherhood and how she learnt to be a parent from her mother and other family dynamics she had growing up. This includes how her anticipatory grief surrounding her brother’s addiction affected her throughout her life and whether she thinks it impacted the relationships she chose. We also cover how we can outgrow a relationship but that her female friendship have been a constant and fulfilled things in her life that are not fair expectations to have in a relationship, or are simply things that a man can’t fulfil. 

To end the episode Jessica tells us about her book, Joy Rides Through the Tunnel of Grief, a memoir in essays that comes out September 1. You can pre-order the book through her website and find more of Jessica on her Instagram. As always, you can find us on Instagram, TikTok, Threads and Facebook @sextraspodcast, on our website or get in touch with us at sextraspodcast@gmail.com. 

We’ll be back next week with Cecile Gasnault, brand director of Smile Makers Collection, to talk about having sex after giving birth. We hope you’re enjoying our Parenting, Family & Sex miniseries and we’ll see you next week!

Family, Parenting & Sex Miniseries

Episode 1 How Sex Changes With Age (with Beducated co-founder Mariah Freya)

Episode 2 Deciding to Have Kids & Outgrowing Relationships (with Jessica Hendry Nelson)

Episode 3 Having Sex After Birth (with Smile Makers Collection)

Episode 4 How To Talk To Your Kid About Sex (with Dr Tina Schermer Sellers)

Episode 5 Do Gen Z Want To Be Parents?

We might choose to ignore the fact that family has anything to do with how we behave around, or think about, sex and relationships. But what we’re told, or not, by our parents, siblings and even grandparents lays the groundwork for how we choose a partner, sexual or otherwise. Becoming a parent ourselves can turn that all on its head, changing the time we have available for our pleasure and informing how we raise our children.

So we’re here to talk about it. Across five episodes we explore the links between family/ parenting and sex/ relationships. Join Mariah Freya (founder of pleasure-based sex education site Beducated) in the first episode, to discuss how sex changes throughout life. Author Jessica Hendry Nelson joins us in our second episode to tell us how she dealt with grief as a new mother and in our third episode Cecile Gasnault (brand director of sex toy company Smile Makers Collection) unpacks the difficulties of having sex after giving birth. In episode four we’re joined by Dr Tina Schermer Sellers to discuss how to raise kids in a shame-free and sex-positive way before we unpack how Gen Z want to raise children in the final episode.

We can’t wait to get into it and hope you learn as much from our amazing guests as we did. Don’t forget to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts so you can follow along!